DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
