It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
