What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
