Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We left the knife in your bed.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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