i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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