it wasn't lemon gatorade
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
