Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
