Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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