im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
My ass is underappreciated
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
