I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
