as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
