My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
