Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
