Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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