Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
