I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
