Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
