I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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