Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i dont even know how to be here
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He? As in you personified your dick?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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