Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
