Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i think i just lost a toe
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