Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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