I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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