stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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