Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
