i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
