What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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