I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
