dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
