I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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