Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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