He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
