I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
