There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
