I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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