i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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