Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
