Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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