CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
