Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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