i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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