I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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