Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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