THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
