dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
