he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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