i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
