I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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