I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
