I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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