I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
