I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
ok first of all what the fuck
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
