I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
we're so committed to being not committed
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
