There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
handjob tips. give me some.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
