Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
